Thursday, July 7, 2011

Cryptic Love

Earlier this week I spiraled downward into the addicting webs of Facebook... As I typically do. This particular time, however, I was feeling incredibly nostalgic... And the mighty FB has the perfect functionality for nostalgia... The "See Friendship" option. For anyone who doesn't know what this is, if you go to one of your friends' profiles, you'll see in the upper right an option to "See Friendship"... Clicking it will bring you to a page where you can view all of your interactions between one another from the very moment you became virtual buddies.

There was a time on Facebook where you didn't have the option to comment on wall posts. If someone wrote to you, you had to then go to their page and write back. It got us by for the time being and we never thought of it again after the comment feature came about. Well, this primitive form of communication has provided me endless hours... or minutes... of entertainment. As you read through your "friendship histories" you find some very cryptic posts which contain ZERO frame of reference due to the nature of posting back then... The following is a compilation of some of the gems I came across while reading through my friendships... Be my guest to try and figure out what the heck any of these meant...

- commence -

- Friggin a! A frickin' caveman can do you but I can't even get a fistful of that Greek dairyair without gettin' slapped with a half-broken wooly gimp hand!

- Yeah we smell like crabs

- Yes, her typography is just as good as yours. You should both write gay novels in the gay voice...

- Stop putting butts on my wall!......................... Las Vegas!

- Dude, we're EATING that blood this weekend...

- Hugh Grant have mercy on me... I have a Klondike Bar and a very awkward itch... what will he do for me.

- HEY LAY OFF! You know I like the way cloth tastes! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!

- Its red, silly buns...

- No no. That is us. We are ONE!!

- Haha. Opposite Action... like Prison.

- Indeed it was harsh V-Lo... I bet you wouldn't be so harsh if I slowly killed everything you love...

- Yeah... always... like they grew up together fighting Alien Kung-Fu Zombies... and yes, the aliens used kung-fu.

- Please don't make me type the word "poop" again, it makes me uncomfortable...

- I do not suckle on freaky Phildog, man-tete!

- Don't just stare at it.

- Michael W. Smith has AIDS?

- Hey we've all got our skeletons in the closets...........your skeleton just has dong shaped marks on its cheek bone from where he slapped you with it.

- Buy it, play it, and one day you will see glory. Dr. Mario compels you.

- Shut up! I had just eaten a pizza! THAT'S ALL!

- Shave that sh*t.

- WTF? Wow. Jeff getting a snowball in the crotch... What a night.

- Holy 70's Porno, Batman!!

- Oh, I gots EVERYTHING else... like a size 13 which fits comfortably in your big mouth, boy!

- Hot... but shame on you.


- Wait a minute, lemme see if I have this straight... BEST SEX EVER... is with... Jesus?

- end -

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