Monday, July 11, 2011

PG-MEN - Dr. Fluffles

I feel like the issue of physical deformities comes up a lot when dealing with the Marvel Universe... After all, a mass evolution caused by nuclear radiation is bound to cause a few extra limbs here and there, but the one thing I figured WOULDN'T occur from radiation would be the growth of extra hair. I would also think death to be the natural progression of genetic mutation... That just goes to show that I am not properly educated on the matter of genetics, and who better to teach me than the doctor turned big blue abomination... BEAST.

You will not find a friendlier hero in the X-world than Dr. Hank McCoy, AKA Beast. When he first debuted as one of the original X-Men, he was an average man with a less than average appearance... Big feet and big hands. Like a bald gorilla... And you know something? Had this not changed, than Beast would be a perfectly acceptable addition to our newly found PG-MEN... But nooooo, Marvel had to go and make him all scary, which usually results in making him blue... e.g. Nightcrawler and Mystique. So they went and turned our big lovable Beast into a monstrosity! Sharp teeth, yellow feline eyes, claws, fur, devilish hair reminiscent of devil horns and pointy ears... And this is a man our children look up to! Not to mention he's practically a nudist now... Oh yeah, like a little blue speed-o is supposed to be appropriate. If you can't wear it to school, you shouldn't be allowed to wear it anywhere! Might I mention the speed-o blends in perfectly to his blue body, so he might as well be naked anyway!

So now we have a similar problem to that of Nightcrawler... However, it would be unoriginal to simply slap a paper bag over this character as well... Hence, now we have to get a little creative. The truth of the matter is, Beast is a scary man. He looks like he would eat a live puppy and chuckle while it still whimpered between his feral fangs. So you know what? If he's going to be a puppy-hater (not be confused with our first PG-MEN entry, Puppy), then we're just going to flat out make him a cat! He can now retain his blue, fluffy, nudist appearance and not be frightening to children... And what kid wouldn't want a blue kitty? It's like the opposite of Clifford the Big Red Dog!

Dr. Hank McCoy isn't much of a cute name either... It sounds Irish, which in itself isn't appropriate for children. So we're going to give him a new name... Dr. Fluffles! We're also going to up the cuteness by giving him an over-sized pair of glasses (like he thinks he's still a person) and a pencil in his ear... Aww, look at little Dr. Fluffles doing highly complex mathematics, he's like a little fluffy person! Now THAT is what the PG-MEN are all about! Teaching kids math and fighting crime in the cutest of fashions!

Knowledge is power!
~ Mark

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