Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Scholars Lite

Sadly I didn't get around to working on much today... But I am never without content, my little ones... Uncle Marky always comes prepared!

In an older post I spoke about a "Lite" version of the Scholars comic which I worked on for the Six AM Comics Blog. It was basically a one panel comic strip... but really just a quick sketch I would draw as filler while I worked on the real comic. It started as a comic I would run in the school paper at UMass called "Sugar Frosted Sea Bunions"... I decided it'd be easier to just call it "Scholars Lite" so as not to commit to yet another web comic which I would struggle to keep up with... Evidently I struggle with commitment.

What you are about to witness... Is humor at its laziest.

Scholars Lite #1:

I originally drew this for a girl I was into who liked frogs. Apparently I wasn't slimy enough for her... Or she preferred guys with warts... Hmm, y'know, maybe it's better I didn't date her... I doubt my girlfriend would be very happy...

In any case, this picture speaks for itself. A frog. Ordering Riblets. Because frogs can only say "Ribbit"... I know the humor's not lost on you, go ahead and laugh... no one's looking... You don't even have to tell them it's funny, you can say you're laughing AT it... But please don't laugh at my work... Laugh with it. I'm very sensitive... Another reason Frog Girl probably didn't like me... That and my third nipple.


I don't really have a third nipple.

Scholars Lite #2:

This is a remake of one of the "Sugar Frosted Sea Bunions" comics I made (I'm gonna say back in 2002?)... It was my reaction to the Walmart "Watch for Falling Prices" campaign they had been running with that smiley face that never stops whistling... Whenever I whistle people swear at me... It's very rude. Not the image you want to put allover your company branding... But I guess smiley faces make people happy... Personally, I think of them as internet clowns... and that freaks me out.

I always thought the idea of falling prices was a little dangerous... and it makes me wonder why that smiley face delights in the potential safety risks of his company's employees...

Scholars Lite #3:

I was scolded for portraying such violent imagery in relation to "Curious George"... I guess there's not really a ton to explain here other than how that stupid monkey managed to get away with so much crap... Being a monkey doesn't make crimes against humanity okay! Sure he's soft and cuddly... But did you know monkeys also throw their own fecal matter? You think that's cute? You wanna give Curious George a big ol' monkey hug after he smears himself with his own poo and paints your walls with it? ... How about if he killed your cat? You wanna' buy him ice cream now? Yeah, didn't think so... Man in the Yellow Hat? BAD PARENTING. Nuff' said.

Maybe Jack Johnson shouldn't make so many songs about this monkey... sounds to me like Insane Clown Posse fits his demographic a little nicer.

Scholars Lite #4:

We're always digging up new Dino skeletons, changing names, learning more about their lifestyles, etc... Heck, watch Jurassic Park and you'll begin to wonder just how dumb and hungry they really were... Velociraptors? Not very dumb at all... but very hungry. This leaves me wondering what if they had a few more years of evolution (if you believe in that nonsense) under their belt? Would they cease to be hungry and move on to thirst? Not Vampire thirst, but more of an acquired thirst, one which comes from true sophistication... I'm referring, of course, to that of a fine wine.

"Ah, yes, 200 b.c., excellent year, old chap!"

"Ah, yes, I feel it truly compliments that strangely bitter aftertaste of a Human newborn from the eastern hemisphere of the United Nation of Pangaea..."

Scholars Lite #5:

Yet another remake of an old Sea Bunion classic. I can't lie, I actually stole the concept from one of The Far Side's comic strips... which to this day serves as one of my favorite comics ever... It's really the inspiration behind these lil' funnies... It was basically a donkey and a bunny sitting down in their living room... You'll get the punch line after you see my tribute.

... Get it? Anyone? Eh? ... Tough crowd.

You know... I don't recall anyone in my church being a huge fan of this one... I guess they don't like gardening...

Scholars Lite #6:

I made this one Thanksgiving Day a few years ago... I felt it was appropriate. It was also the biggest stretch I've ever had to make for a joke... It was incredibly last minute. I felt it'd be a little cheesy to make a Turkey joke on Thanksgiving Day... Which made it that much more irresistible. I don't know that anybody really saw the humor in this one... And I won't hold that against you.


At least not publicly. Rest assure though, I'll be bitter by myself.


The Turkey's wearing goggles! It sounds like gobble! ... Cause a Turkey goes "Gobble, gobble, gobble!" ... Unbelievable you people are!

Scholars Lite #7:

Okay. I'm not gonna' lie... This is my all time favorite of these drawings. I'm not playin', I love it. So if you don't care for it then keep your opinion to yourself, gosh darnit!

I don't really remember the mindset which resulted in this drawing, but I can't imagine it was anything less than a stroke of genius... Or was it a stroke of Guinness? In any case (is it just me or do I say that phrase a lot?), the idea of an old school NES being a pimp makes me chuckle. If you were born in the 90's, then you can just flat out disregard this whole post... Heck, you can disregard this entire blog, because you are not relevant to me nor my generation. That's right, we're those people that say things like "Back in my day..." and commonly refer to your kind as "Whippersnappers"... Oh, and we used to have to walk to school, uphill, both ways... And that was BEFORE the Internets! ... Actually, that was about three generations before us, so now think just how young you are! Go to your room!

Scholars Lite #8:

I think if I were an egg, I would take serious offense to both Easter and the people who celebrate it for being anything other than the Resurrection of Christ... Not because I'm religiously conservative, but because I wouldn't want to be painted, hidden in the dark, and then hunted down like an animal by rambunctious children who are probably just going to drop me and crack my head open anyway... I think they made a movie about that with Ice-T once... Though assuming some stupid little "princess" decided to paint me pink, I'd probably long for the sweet release of death by fall... Maybe I'd feed a starving child in India... Or maybe I'd be thrown in a dumpster and eaten by a squirrel... Either way, I'd have the Easter Bunny's number...

Scholars Lite #9:

I'd just like to set the record straight and say that the subject matter addressed in this image has nothing to do with anything that goes near my mouth/lungs/face. I just like to learn the terms given to illegal plants and make funny jokes about them... You know, ironically, the campus ministry I was involved in when I sketched this concept out in college was a huge fan of this one... Just a harmless observation though...

Seriously though, don't smoke kids. Do what I did in High School, light a toothpick on fire and stick it in your mouth so people driving by you at night time THINK you're one of the cool kids.

I totally wasn't one of the cool kids,
~ Mark

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